I read Vogue. I get Cosmo. I would love to be Sarah Jessica Parker's bestie. At the end of the day however, I just can't wear stretch pants, hot pants, opaque tights, liquid leggings or whatever it is you choose to call them.
Do get me wrong, I sported them with everyone else in the 80's and early 90's, but my legging ship has sailed. I think they look adorable on all you waif types, but the minute I put them on under my mini I just look like Stephanie Tanner's evil 5'10 and 140 pound step-sister. The image of matte (or even shiny, shudder) spandex stretched over my rear end is quite possibly the most unflattering and down-right degrading thing I could do to myself.
So you keep rocking them, adorable, 90-pound coffee house chick! I'll be over here in my A-Line skirt and mile high heels, rocking it my way.
July 30, 2008
unordered-e-updates
Hello again friends!
Hope all is well!
I want to update everyone on the status of my web page and just-for-fun company unordered-e-designs
. I finally have all my galleries created. So if you go to the Advertisements, Typography, Full Campaign or Fine Art sections you will find my portfolio in a lovely photo gallery format. I've also updated some of the information on the Homepage, Resume and What's New sections.
My other big news is the opening of the unordered-e-store
! I have six designs currently available for order on a variety of products, with many more designs in the works. The current shop-front is sort of a work in progress, but I would love for everyone to check it out. If you have an idea for a design or a funny shirt you have always wanted to see PLEASE let me know. I would love to create it for you!
I have a few more "practice sites" in progress before I start taking on real customers (fine, customers that aren't related to me), but I'll be launching my just-for-fun web design company for real soon.
Keep me in mind for future projects!
Thanks for reading and supporting!!!
Much Love,
Elsbeth
Hope all is well!
I want to update everyone on the status of my web page and just-for-fun company unordered-e-designs
. I finally have all my galleries created. So if you go to the Advertisements, Typography, Full Campaign or Fine Art sections you will find my portfolio in a lovely photo gallery format. I've also updated some of the information on the Homepage, Resume and What's New sections.
My other big news is the opening of the unordered-e-store
! I have six designs currently available for order on a variety of products, with many more designs in the works. The current shop-front is sort of a work in progress, but I would love for everyone to check it out. If you have an idea for a design or a funny shirt you have always wanted to see PLEASE let me know. I would love to create it for you!
I have a few more "practice sites" in progress before I start taking on real customers (fine, customers that aren't related to me), but I'll be launching my just-for-fun web design company for real soon.
Keep me in mind for future projects!
Thanks for reading and supporting!!!
Much Love,
Elsbeth
I’ve gone all trendy and reflective
Elsbeth's uber-creepy, uber-trendy, uber-hypocritical, Bucket List:
- Go to
- Be at
- Go to Grad/Law School: some form of continued education beyond my B.A.
- Go to
- Scuba Dive a reef somewhere
- Parasail
- Be a parent
- Learn to cook (well!)
- Buy a dress that costs over 500 dollars and have a place to wear it (wedding doesn't count)
- Meet and get a picture with Anthony Bourdain and Ani DiFranco (doesn't have to be at the same time…)
- Own a car that costs way too much money and says nothing good about me
- HAVE A POOL! (I'm a simple person, I'd be happy with having my own pool)
- Learn another language, or just continue to learn and become fluent in French
The Worrier’s Almanac Guide– Who’s Going to Kill Me?
How are you going to die? Probably between the ages of 25 to 34, drunk at 11pm on a Saturday by male who is of the same race as you.
I'm a worrier. I appreciate this.
The Worrier's Almanac Guide–
Who's Going to Kill Me?
by Pete Nicely
... I constantly probe the news, statistics and other neurotics so that I can worry more effectively. I cautiously seer into the ever-frightening future and fret: Am I more likely to die on the weekend or during the week? Or, When do more people get killed, day or night? And most often I wonder: Who's going to kill me?
Now I know the odds are that no one is going to kill me. The odds are much better that I'll die in an accident or kill myself either by suicide or slowly by smoking, eating or breathing too much.
But forget the odds. For some reason, worries tend toward murder and how to avoid it. In some reptilian part of our brain, we're all being hunted. And I want to know EXACTLY who is going to kill me. And if I can't know exactly, I want to know enough statistics so that I can make a very faulty hypothesis.
So here is exactly what you need to know about being killed.
1. Men get killed way more often than women.
In 2005, 4 men were killed for every 1 woman. This isn't to say that it's safer to be a woman at all. 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, compared to 1 in 33 men . While I think that statistic is definitely underreported, the fact is that in this sick society women get raped and men get killed. 65% of murders are men killing men, which, considering all the raping going on, doesn't seem like such a terrible thing. 23% are men killing women. 10% were women killing men while on 2% of all murders are females killing other females, which is probably why mud wrestling comes off as so safe and fun.
2. Worry about the people you know.
Women should be cautious of their lovers. 1/3 of women murder victims were killed by someone they were "intimate" with. Only 3% of men were killed by an intimate. Strangers get a bad rap in our society. Even the term comes off creepy. But if you're female, you have to keep in mind that even the person you're boning is a bit strange. Women are also more likely to be killed by a family member or an acquaintance than a man is. A stranger murdered only 9% of women. 16% of men are reported murdered by a stranger, which just means that the relationship couldn't be determined. I really don't think that the random murder of strangers is worth worrying about, not with our friends and families out to get us.
3. White people generally kill white people; black people kill black people
Almost half of all murders were a white person killing a white person. About 41% were black people killing black people. Less than 9% of murders were a black person killing a white person. Only 4% of murders involved a white person killing a black person, which is a nice respite from the 400 years of genocide and torture of the slave trade. Black immigrants have way lower homicide rates than native black Americans.
4. Teenagers and people in their young 20s are most likely to be killed.
Females in this age group are also 4 times more likely to be raped. It's when we are most reckless and I recommend avoiding this period of your life completely, if possible. 25-34 is the next most dangerous age, which is certainly why the framers picked 35 as the minimum age for the President.
5. Saturday, followed closely by Friday, is the most muderous day of the week.
6. The day gets more dangerous as it gets later.
Mornings are the safest time of day. Afternoons are slightly more dangerous. Starting at 6 PM murder rates go way up, peaking at 11 PM. Note to Worriers: Stay home at night and on Fridays and Saturdays.
7. You can get killed at work.
About 800 people get killed every year at work. Men are 4 times as likely to die while working, but death is the leading occupational injury for women. I can't think of anything worse than dying at work, which is why it'll probably happen to me.
8. Driving a cab is the most dangerous job in America.
15 out 100,000 cab drivers are killed every year compared to 9 out of 100,000 police officers. The other dangerous jobs are pretty obvious: Hotel clerks, liquor store clerks, gas station workers and security guards.
9.Intoxication kills.
Victims are likely to be intoxicated so are murderers.
10. Resisting seems like a good idea.
A Department of Justice study of survivors of nearly fatal attacks found that 63% of victims felt their resistance helped them. Only 7% felt it was harmful. Of course, you can't interview those who didn't survive.
11. Guns kill better.
2/3 of all murders involved guns. Sharp instruments are the second most popular murder weapon at 17%. Blunt instruments, like a trumpet, I guess, were used in only 6%. There is no statistical breakout for candlesticks, wrenches or lead pipes. Now, I'm one of those people who wish that all handguns were illegal (or nearly impossible to get). I know: Then only criminals will have guns. But given how much more likely we are to be killed by someone we know than a stranger—I'm willing to risk it.
12. You probably won't be murdered.
1 out of 217 Americans will be murdered in his or her lifetime. In one year, that's 1 out of 16, 919, or a very large hockey crowd. Thinking of murder statistics in terms of hockey crowds makes the whole thing much easier to take, I find. 1 in 5 of us will die from Heart Disease. 1 of 84 will die in car accidents. If you want to think about who's stalking you, it's cancer and emphysema. And they know where you live.
Death isn't a joke, but it is the Worrier's job to consider it dispassionately. Thusly I remind you: beware the friend, family member or acquaintance that shows up drunk at Saturday night at 11 PM with a gun and a smile. Otherwise you should be just fine.
I'm a worrier. I appreciate this.
The Worrier's Almanac Guide–
Who's Going to Kill Me?
by Pete Nicely
... I constantly probe the news, statistics and other neurotics so that I can worry more effectively. I cautiously seer into the ever-frightening future and fret: Am I more likely to die on the weekend or during the week? Or, When do more people get killed, day or night? And most often I wonder: Who's going to kill me?
Now I know the odds are that no one is going to kill me. The odds are much better that I'll die in an accident or kill myself either by suicide or slowly by smoking, eating or breathing too much.
But forget the odds. For some reason, worries tend toward murder and how to avoid it. In some reptilian part of our brain, we're all being hunted. And I want to know EXACTLY who is going to kill me. And if I can't know exactly, I want to know enough statistics so that I can make a very faulty hypothesis.
So here is exactly what you need to know about being killed.
1. Men get killed way more often than women.
In 2005, 4 men were killed for every 1 woman. This isn't to say that it's safer to be a woman at all. 1 in 6 women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, compared to 1 in 33 men . While I think that statistic is definitely underreported, the fact is that in this sick society women get raped and men get killed. 65% of murders are men killing men, which, considering all the raping going on, doesn't seem like such a terrible thing. 23% are men killing women. 10% were women killing men while on 2% of all murders are females killing other females, which is probably why mud wrestling comes off as so safe and fun.
2. Worry about the people you know.
Women should be cautious of their lovers. 1/3 of women murder victims were killed by someone they were "intimate" with. Only 3% of men were killed by an intimate. Strangers get a bad rap in our society. Even the term comes off creepy. But if you're female, you have to keep in mind that even the person you're boning is a bit strange. Women are also more likely to be killed by a family member or an acquaintance than a man is. A stranger murdered only 9% of women. 16% of men are reported murdered by a stranger, which just means that the relationship couldn't be determined. I really don't think that the random murder of strangers is worth worrying about, not with our friends and families out to get us.
3. White people generally kill white people; black people kill black people
Almost half of all murders were a white person killing a white person. About 41% were black people killing black people. Less than 9% of murders were a black person killing a white person. Only 4% of murders involved a white person killing a black person, which is a nice respite from the 400 years of genocide and torture of the slave trade. Black immigrants have way lower homicide rates than native black Americans.
4. Teenagers and people in their young 20s are most likely to be killed.
Females in this age group are also 4 times more likely to be raped. It's when we are most reckless and I recommend avoiding this period of your life completely, if possible. 25-34 is the next most dangerous age, which is certainly why the framers picked 35 as the minimum age for the President.
5. Saturday, followed closely by Friday, is the most muderous day of the week.
6. The day gets more dangerous as it gets later.
Mornings are the safest time of day. Afternoons are slightly more dangerous. Starting at 6 PM murder rates go way up, peaking at 11 PM. Note to Worriers: Stay home at night and on Fridays and Saturdays.
7. You can get killed at work.
About 800 people get killed every year at work. Men are 4 times as likely to die while working, but death is the leading occupational injury for women. I can't think of anything worse than dying at work, which is why it'll probably happen to me.
8. Driving a cab is the most dangerous job in America.
15 out 100,000 cab drivers are killed every year compared to 9 out of 100,000 police officers. The other dangerous jobs are pretty obvious: Hotel clerks, liquor store clerks, gas station workers and security guards.
9.Intoxication kills.
Victims are likely to be intoxicated so are murderers.
10. Resisting seems like a good idea.
A Department of Justice study of survivors of nearly fatal attacks found that 63% of victims felt their resistance helped them. Only 7% felt it was harmful. Of course, you can't interview those who didn't survive.
11. Guns kill better.
2/3 of all murders involved guns. Sharp instruments are the second most popular murder weapon at 17%. Blunt instruments, like a trumpet, I guess, were used in only 6%. There is no statistical breakout for candlesticks, wrenches or lead pipes. Now, I'm one of those people who wish that all handguns were illegal (or nearly impossible to get). I know: Then only criminals will have guns. But given how much more likely we are to be killed by someone we know than a stranger—I'm willing to risk it.
12. You probably won't be murdered.
1 out of 217 Americans will be murdered in his or her lifetime. In one year, that's 1 out of 16, 919, or a very large hockey crowd. Thinking of murder statistics in terms of hockey crowds makes the whole thing much easier to take, I find. 1 in 5 of us will die from Heart Disease. 1 of 84 will die in car accidents. If you want to think about who's stalking you, it's cancer and emphysema. And they know where you live.
Death isn't a joke, but it is the Worrier's job to consider it dispassionately. Thusly I remind you: beware the friend, family member or acquaintance that shows up drunk at Saturday night at 11 PM with a gun and a smile. Otherwise you should be just fine.
In Defense of Gen X and Y
My generation (or our depending on your age…) takes a lot of flack these days. Those of us born in the late seventies and eighties are too often considered regressive, tech-head, spoiled brats. Ironically I have mostly heard these sentiments from those who raised us, the hippies turned yuppies. Unfortunately, I have recently heard an influx of dislike for our generation by our own. The young people of the sixties and seventies are so idolized and glorified that we are often perceived as political and social failures by default. Because there was no great sexual revolution of the early 2000's we have failed as a generation.
If I hear one more 20-something complaining about how boring and lame our generation is I may puke. So stop bitching and do something if we suck so badly. First it's unfair to compare our lives to those of the hippies and revolutionaries of the 60's and 70's… as we're reaping what they sewed. There are two main reasons I think we are seen as regressive when compared to our parent's generation:
Firstly, we have AIDS. We have herpes, gonorrhea, HPV, HIV and a plethora of other STDs. Trust me; I would have LOVED to live in the wonderful bubble of time when people had birth control but a shocking lack of sexually transmitted diseases. Sadly, I was born about 30 years too late. Our generation would most likely love to swing and enjoy the random sexual encounters of our parent's generation (shudder…). But we live in an age where sex can literally kills us. A surge of conservatism can only be expected as a result to seeing our own hurt, scarred, used and possibly killed by sexual promiscuity. However, our generation has responded with more advanced sexual education. Though it's still debated and disliked in many areas, one must admit it's here, and much more in-depth than the in-school education of the 60's and 70's. I also have faith that the majority of us 20-somethings realize that sex education doesn't promote sex (if you've ever seen slides of genital warts I think you'll agree). Our generation is learning, first hand, that knowledge does not equate morality.
Secondly, we understand the sick, sad, and scary parts of drug addiction… Not that we don't use and love drugs, and have created our own and much scary drugs (ie; meth). In the 60's and 70's the social, political and sexual revolution was accompanied by the biggest surge of drug use our country has ever seen. It was theoretically a happy, euphoric and heavenly experience. As artists began to overdose more and more people started to become wary. By the time we hit the 90's the tragically happy face of a high Janis Joplin had turned into the tragic, sad, lonely and depressed smirk of Kurt Cobain. Though our generation still idolizes many drug users we see a much more pronounced underbelly. In fact the drama and self-destruction is almost appealing, while the appeal in the 60's and 70's was a euphoric, spirited experience. Drug users of our generation are often seeking to numb pain not enhance happiness, thus yielding very different out-comes. Granted this is generalization. My main point is that drug-use is not the same of that in the sixties and seventies.
Now old people have many more complaints about us 20-somethings then we do. So we're spoiled are we? Well, thanks. That's your fault. So you hate globalization? Then quit paying to send your college aged child abroad. It's not surprising we all love Europe. Half of the people I went to high school with have been there before the age of 22. So all you 50 year olds who paid for them to go should really stop bitching about how we live too globally and aren't "patriotic" enough. Yes, I love my iphone and it's ability to call internationally. Get over it, it's fucking awesome.
My biggest bone of contention with the old folks is their accusation that we aren't loyal. We (apparently) only hold jobs for an average of five years and expect too much from our employers. I call bullshit. Why would we be loyal? You know what I learned about big business growing up? Enron. The E-Commerce boom… and then crash. An economy that has peaked and crashed more times then my fifteen year-old hormones at prom. Public political and corporate scandals. Why would I presume a company would be loyal to me? Frankly, if I don't trust a company to be loyal to me, there is no fucking way I'll be loyal to them. We were taught that we would be fucked over the majority of our adult lives. Thusly, I'm out for me. As for expecting too much from a company? Umm, fair labor practices, too much? Really?
Long story short I've got to go for money, you old farts are taking all the social security.
So our generation isn't in the midst of a revolution. We're serving an equally important role; we're reacting to the revolutions our grandparents are still bitter about and our parents still brag about. While at the same time were copping with a war and an environmental break down. We live in a scary age, so forgive us for being a little frightened. Our friends are dying in Iraq and our glaciers are melting all while we have keep up the technology running our country. I strongly believe that a break-through in technology and computer science will be the thing that reforms health care, government services, education and our global communication problems. So forgive our stupid you-tube videos and OMG! lingo just for minute. It's all part of a bigger picture OUR generation is writing.
So to us and to our critics, be patient. Calm down. We'll get there.
If I hear one more 20-something complaining about how boring and lame our generation is I may puke. So stop bitching and do something if we suck so badly. First it's unfair to compare our lives to those of the hippies and revolutionaries of the 60's and 70's… as we're reaping what they sewed. There are two main reasons I think we are seen as regressive when compared to our parent's generation:
Firstly, we have AIDS. We have herpes, gonorrhea, HPV, HIV and a plethora of other STDs. Trust me; I would have LOVED to live in the wonderful bubble of time when people had birth control but a shocking lack of sexually transmitted diseases. Sadly, I was born about 30 years too late. Our generation would most likely love to swing and enjoy the random sexual encounters of our parent's generation (shudder…). But we live in an age where sex can literally kills us. A surge of conservatism can only be expected as a result to seeing our own hurt, scarred, used and possibly killed by sexual promiscuity. However, our generation has responded with more advanced sexual education. Though it's still debated and disliked in many areas, one must admit it's here, and much more in-depth than the in-school education of the 60's and 70's. I also have faith that the majority of us 20-somethings realize that sex education doesn't promote sex (if you've ever seen slides of genital warts I think you'll agree). Our generation is learning, first hand, that knowledge does not equate morality.
Secondly, we understand the sick, sad, and scary parts of drug addiction… Not that we don't use and love drugs, and have created our own and much scary drugs (ie; meth). In the 60's and 70's the social, political and sexual revolution was accompanied by the biggest surge of drug use our country has ever seen. It was theoretically a happy, euphoric and heavenly experience. As artists began to overdose more and more people started to become wary. By the time we hit the 90's the tragically happy face of a high Janis Joplin had turned into the tragic, sad, lonely and depressed smirk of Kurt Cobain. Though our generation still idolizes many drug users we see a much more pronounced underbelly. In fact the drama and self-destruction is almost appealing, while the appeal in the 60's and 70's was a euphoric, spirited experience. Drug users of our generation are often seeking to numb pain not enhance happiness, thus yielding very different out-comes. Granted this is generalization. My main point is that drug-use is not the same of that in the sixties and seventies.
Now old people have many more complaints about us 20-somethings then we do. So we're spoiled are we? Well, thanks. That's your fault. So you hate globalization? Then quit paying to send your college aged child abroad. It's not surprising we all love Europe. Half of the people I went to high school with have been there before the age of 22. So all you 50 year olds who paid for them to go should really stop bitching about how we live too globally and aren't "patriotic" enough. Yes, I love my iphone and it's ability to call internationally. Get over it, it's fucking awesome.
My biggest bone of contention with the old folks is their accusation that we aren't loyal. We (apparently) only hold jobs for an average of five years and expect too much from our employers. I call bullshit. Why would we be loyal? You know what I learned about big business growing up? Enron. The E-Commerce boom… and then crash. An economy that has peaked and crashed more times then my fifteen year-old hormones at prom. Public political and corporate scandals. Why would I presume a company would be loyal to me? Frankly, if I don't trust a company to be loyal to me, there is no fucking way I'll be loyal to them. We were taught that we would be fucked over the majority of our adult lives. Thusly, I'm out for me. As for expecting too much from a company? Umm, fair labor practices, too much? Really?
Long story short I've got to go for money, you old farts are taking all the social security.
So our generation isn't in the midst of a revolution. We're serving an equally important role; we're reacting to the revolutions our grandparents are still bitter about and our parents still brag about. While at the same time were copping with a war and an environmental break down. We live in a scary age, so forgive us for being a little frightened. Our friends are dying in Iraq and our glaciers are melting all while we have keep up the technology running our country. I strongly believe that a break-through in technology and computer science will be the thing that reforms health care, government services, education and our global communication problems. So forgive our stupid you-tube videos and OMG! lingo just for minute. It's all part of a bigger picture OUR generation is writing.
So to us and to our critics, be patient. Calm down. We'll get there.
So, Um, When do I get my shoes back?
Terrible news! Terrible, terrible, terrible, news. I have tendonitis.
A few months ago my foot started hurting. I'm an "ignore-the-pain" kind of girl, so I of course didn't do anything about it. Finally, after a fateful night of him having to carry me, my boyfriend told me enough was enough and made me go to the doctor. She made pleasant murmurs as she poked and prodded my foot, and then announced:
"Oh, it's not big deal"
"Oh good!" I said, "So it's just sore or something, I'll be on my way…"
"Well, not exactly" she shook her head, "You have tendinitis. Here's some pill that will make you nauseous three times a day for three months and a referral to a physical therapist you'll have to see for LIKE HALF A YEAR!"
OK, it didn't go exactly like that, but needless to say she was way off with her 'no-big-deal' prognosis. Beyond the hours of physical therapy I must endure, my therapist has requested I stop wearing heels – For good! Thank goodness ballet flats are in, but my readjustment period will be hard. I'm 5'10. It took me years to get comfortable with my height wearing heels, and once I did I was off to the races. My motto was the higher the better… hence the tendinitis.
I have worked out a deal with my PT (lingo for physical therapists that we PT regulars use). I get heels once a week, on holidays and from now on kitty heels are my friend.
Anyhow, keep an eye out at Plato's Closet and The Black Market. My shoes will be hitting the shelves soon!
A few months ago my foot started hurting. I'm an "ignore-the-pain" kind of girl, so I of course didn't do anything about it. Finally, after a fateful night of him having to carry me, my boyfriend told me enough was enough and made me go to the doctor. She made pleasant murmurs as she poked and prodded my foot, and then announced:
"Oh, it's not big deal"
"Oh good!" I said, "So it's just sore or something, I'll be on my way…"
"Well, not exactly" she shook her head, "You have tendinitis. Here's some pill that will make you nauseous three times a day for three months and a referral to a physical therapist you'll have to see for LIKE HALF A YEAR!"
OK, it didn't go exactly like that, but needless to say she was way off with her 'no-big-deal' prognosis. Beyond the hours of physical therapy I must endure, my therapist has requested I stop wearing heels – For good! Thank goodness ballet flats are in, but my readjustment period will be hard. I'm 5'10. It took me years to get comfortable with my height wearing heels, and once I did I was off to the races. My motto was the higher the better… hence the tendinitis.
I have worked out a deal with my PT (lingo for physical therapists that we PT regulars use). I get heels once a week, on holidays and from now on kitty heels are my friend.
Anyhow, keep an eye out at Plato's Closet and The Black Market. My shoes will be hitting the shelves soon!
bullets = weapon or brass knuckles = gun?
bullets = weapon or brass knuckles = gun?
Category: Life
Kid: "No, no, no, brass knuckles are NOT a weapon, it’s what goes inside of them that makes with a weapon. Like bullets in a gun."
Me: "So you’re saying that guns aren’t weapons - but bullets are? I’m not a gun expert, but I’m pretty sure that both guns and bullets are useless when not used in conjunction."
Kid: "That’s right, just like a hand and brass knuckles."
Me: "I don’t know… I feel like my hand has purpose with out brass knuckles on it. In fact I find my hand quite useful and it has never had brass knuckles on it."
Kid: "Well, a gun still has purpose with out bullets in it. You could use it to whack someone over the head."
Me: "Wouldn’t that make it a weapon?"
Kid: "Fine, it was a poorly planned analogy, but brass knuckles are not a weapon."
Me: "So they can just serve the purpose of whacking someone over the head then?"
Kid: "Yeah, sure, whatever."
Please stop making the rest of us look bad!
Please know this rant is directed at (and started by) online relationship tips, and the women I heard at the mall chatting about them…
I'm sick of certain women making the rest of us all look bad. I'm also sick of girl friend/wife stereotypes. No, I do not cry at the drop of a hat, and I expect you to mean what you say rather then tell me what society says women want to hear. If my ass looks fat - tell me, odds are I already know. I know there are a lot of other women out there like me, sick of Laguna Beach implying that women are always catty, materialistic, crazy bitches. However it has come to my attention that some girls really do suck, and make life very difficult for their significant other.
No ladies, he isn't going to know what you want unless you tell him – the same way he should tell me what he wants so I'll know. For as many women's magazines out there promoting constant communication we sure seem to screw that up! I'm tired of being lumped in with a bunch of other crappy girlfriends who manipulate to get what they want. Sorry ladies, I actually respect my boyfriend and his ability to process information.
Or these women I hear talking about with holding sex until they get something they want. What message is that sending, that women don't actually enjoy sex and only do it to keep the men well behaved? That's like saying, "Honey, I hate having sex but if you do something good I'll reward you with a good old fashioned date-rape!" – it's insane to me! Sex is a big part of communication in a relationship; it should never be used as a bargaining chip. Plus I actually like sex!
I mean I understand that if your partner has really and deeply hurt you, you're probably not sexually attracted to them at that point – and that's fair. But if you're with holding sex in order to prove a point or until you get that new whatever you want – well you're straight up whacked in the head and are only mind-fucking your relationship right into break up hell.
Also I'm sorry your boyfriend or husband doesn't send you flowers every month, but if you relate his feeling to the material objects he gives you, you're sadly mistaken. Sure, I feel happy when I get flowers but I feel even better when he just holds me and tells me how much he appreciates me and loves me. Also, the size of the diamond on the ring does not always directly correlate to the size of his love for you. It's directly correlates to his bank account and nothing else. We'd all love to get a huge rock, but let's not fool ourselves. The size of the ring doesn't mean your relationship is any more secure then anyone else's, other then financially. Again, there's nothing wrong with having a large diamond, but if that's all you two have going in your relationship then get out! And please stop judging the poor nice guys who can't buy you the huge rock, that doesn't mean he loves you less.
What happened to women respecting themselves? Or did that ever happen? These games and manipulations only further the social misconception that women relate their self-worth to men. Don't get me wrong, I love being in a relationship but we deserve equal amounts of respect and honesty. If I'm unhappy I should never play games, I should express myself as a person. This is not to say I've never fallen into the girlfriend game trap, but let's all call each other on it and maybe most of us could knock it off!
I know we all love to get girly and sexy, but why do some women dumb themselves down? Why do we think that acting intelligently isn't sexy? If a potential partner is intimidated my intelligence, I'm glad to know sooner then later – as I don't want to spend the entire relationship playing dumb. Also, if you're a major bitch, don't be surprised if he's a jerk right back at you. That drives me insane. I know I couple where she spends all her time degrading him and yelling at him. The one time he stands up for himself and treated her the way she had been treating him, he was labeled an asshole by her and all her girl friends. What the hell? This girl is not a big fan of me after I shared my opinion with her. But seriously, tit for tat honey. If you can act like that why should he be required to behave any differently? Just because he's a man doesn't mean he deserves constant torment from the person who is supposed to love him. Ever heard of mutual respect? It works wonders in a relationship. I wouldn't expect my girlfriends to stay with someone who screamed at them all the time, why should you expect him too?
All you ladies who agree with me, who respect yourselves and your partners, thank you. And please know that this rant was NOT directed at you. Let's spread the knowledge. Women don't have to play into these roles in order to get attention from their mates, though practically all the media out there that involves a relationship shows us otherwise. But the old ball and chain jokes aren't funny anymore. A relationship should be a beautiful and equal thing. A relationship shouldn't completely change who you are, it should enhance who you already are.
I promise to not Honk at you if you don't Honk at me...
Lincoln is for the most part a very friendly town, slower paced but still big enough to be interesting. However recently I've noticed that Lincoln drivers are getting nastier and nastier! It seems that since the time I started driving honking has doubled, people ride your ass constantly, and no one lets you into to traffic anymore! What do these people think? That they're from Omaha? Lincoln's a quick city to get around in, thus the nastiness is unnecessary.
Last week while running errands I decided to "be the change". I tried to not ride anyone's bumper; I didn't honk (not that I normally do). But get this, I was honked at while waiting at a light… Well guess what buddy, "The big damn sign says NO RIGHT ON RED, and I'm certainly not throwing myself into on coming traffic just so you can get home in time to watch people's court!!" I was somewhat irritated to say the least. Later after several breathing exercises I attempted to "become the change" again.
I was in a line of traffic directly in front of an outlet from a gas station. An older guy was trying to get out and traffic was flying right by him. I paused to let him out of the gas station, assuming he would just pull into the lane I was in. Unfortunately this guy wasn't that smart. He assumes that because I've paused in the middle of the road to help him out, so must have everybody else. So he barrels in front of me, and directly into the car traveling the lane to my left. Though my car was virtually un-touched by the accident I was trapped between the moron directly in front of my car, the poor guy to my left and the curb. See what happens when I try to be nice? I literally encouraged an accident, ruining that other driver's day.
the power of the potty...
Have you ever been locked inside your small non-ventilated bathroom for over 2 and ½ hours? If you answered no, you have no idea.
We moved into an older rental house, and though I love it, it came with more then a few "older-home quirks". One of these being the doorknob on the bathroom – meaning it didn't work. When you shut the door you literally shut yourself in there.
At this point I put in maintenance request number 1. After three days there was no reply – not even an answer for one of the "quirks" (by quirks I mean heart attack inducing problems). So I called in maintenance request number 2…then nothing. Then 3 and 4…then I sat and I sat and I waited. Then two weeks later I had 2 and ½ hours to sit in the bathroom and wait.
I had innocently run home after work to change into jeans and flip-flops before class. I got home, threw off my heels, and took off my work pants. Before putting on my jeans I went to restroom. I had left the front door slightly open when I ran in. Of course universe enjoys laughing at me, so on a virtually windless day our front door was blown open causing the bathroom door I had left open to shut. I was now half naked and trapped in my own bathroom.
The first 15 minutes I was slightly panicked. I had no idea when Morgan (my boyfriend) was going to home since he thought I would be at class all night. Plus the front door was hanging open! Any whack-o could just come wondering in; at least I would be safely locked in the bathroom where they couldn't get at me.
The next 45 minutes I honestly found it very funny. I heard my cell start ringing and went to open door to grab it – then remembered that the door wouldn't open and suddenly found the whole situation very funny. It all felt very I Love Lucy.
Then for the next hour and half, I was very angry. It suddenly occurred to me that I Love Lucy was filmed on a sound stage, and that Lucy wasn't actually stuck in that situation. Fuck Lucy. And fuck my property manager – what kind of name is Joanie anyway?! I'm pretty sure she's not 17 and sleeping with Fonzi's kid cousin, maybe it's time to use a 'grown up' name, JOAN! You know what else JOAN?! Grown ups actually do their job!
It was at this point I stopped trying to pick the mechanism in the doorknob without breaking it. I wanted to break something. I wailed on that door, lost it on the knob and clawed at the hinges. This was all somewhat counter productive and achieved nothing but getting me sweaty and bruised. After getting sweaty I made the completely dumb assed decision to take a shower, thinking to myself,
"What the hell else am I going to do in this bathroom?"
After getting out of the shower it occurred to me that not only could I not open the door, but also there was no fan or window. The bathroom was rather steamy and quite warm. I was going to be very angry, sweaty and wet until I got that door open. The one up side to the steam bath was that it loosened up the rust that was holding the pins in the hinges of the door.
Eventually I was able to jimmy the hinges off using trimming scissors and tweezers, It was really very brilliant if I don't say so myself.
I'm am also now an authority on the informational booklets you get with tampons and birth control pills, so let me know if you have any questions.
The morale of the story is being patient with your property management company doesn't get anything accomplished. Sitting and hoping that your property manager isn't a piece of crap is a waste of your time. I had a lot of time to sit and think about these things in my bathroom, I should know.
Also you should always threaten to call the County Building and Safety commission, because then your doors will be fixed by noon the next day.
Don't tell me about MY OWN sexual rights, thanks!
Im not embarrassed to admit that I have been on oral contraceptives for over 8 years now. Many women use them, not only to prevent pregnancy but for hormone control, skin problems, etc Honestly the pill is a pretty common thing these days. With that said, I get my prescription from a planned parenthood clinic due to unreasonably high cost of health insurance at my current job. Also I support safe and healthy family planning, and believe that education is the best way to reach people who are unaware of their sexual health and their sexual rights. You cant just tell someone how to behave and expect it to work; you have to educate them on why certain behaviors are dangerous.
Again, with all that said: PLEASE protesters go harass someone who gives a flying fuck what you think! This afternoon I went to go get my prescription filled. On my way out the door a mild mannered older woman stopped me and said,
"You know, this isn't your only option".
So I told her, "I know. They tell you that in there too, but I was just picking my pills, thanks".
As I started to walk away from her she asked me, "Do you think God, your lord and savior, wants you to take those?".
I rolled that one around in my head for a moment, looked at her calmly and said, "I think if God was dead set on me getting knocked up he would have used that .1% to his advantage already, but thanks for your input."
Then the next poor girl walked out, who apparently looked much more influence able then myself, so the woman moved on.
Though a mild confrontation I was still somewhat bothered by it. I wondered if she ever stood in front of sperm banks. All that little pill does is stop a unfertilized egg from dropping. If thats wrong then shouldnt men be judged for masturbation? Isnt that 1,000s of unborn babies being ejaculated? Yet no one really questions the reproductive rights of men, because the women are supposed to be modest ones, the ones capable of controlling themselves sexually. This unbelievable double standard has men and woman around the country completely brainwashed!!
Im sorry but I give my male friends more respect then that. I do think they are capable of controlling themselves. When it comes to controlling ones self I put myself on an equal playing field as men so why is this woman harassing me, not 13 year old boys everywhere? Theyre stopping just as many births from happening as I am.
I truly feel that contraceptives made a significant difference in womens sexual rights; I can enjoy sex like men do, and not feel guilty about it. They allow me to own my sexuality, in a way my grandmother or even mother were never able to. Yet half of the people I see fighting this are women, I just dont understand that. I think family planning and my sexual choices should be between my partner, my doctor, God, and myself. No one (I repeat NO ONE) else has any right to get involved or speak for God (this includes the government).
So PLEASE protestors, Mr. President, Congress and the Catholic Church - stop trying to tell me what God thinks, I can ask myself, thanks.
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