The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Rode Hard & Put Away Wet.

These chicks look rough! Am I right? I'm thinking there's been a touch too much tanning and Xanax here.


(shown here with one of the NY gals)

Especially that little one in the blue all the way to the right - Teresa. That hair is hot MESS. It reminds me of how I wore my hair when I was 7 and wanted to emulate Shirley Temple.

Also, Jacqueline Laurita, FIRE YOUR STYLIST (or hire one). You are neither chunky or unattractive. In fact you are the most natural looking and pretty of the bunch. So whomever encouraged you to rock the short shiny hot pink satin, that is clearly too thick to rock as a wrap, should be shot. That is all.

I've always wanted a ginger friend.

Kathy Griffin. She's unfairly judgmental, hypocritical, and obnoxious. I totally want to be her friend. Can you imagine the 2am conversation out on the porch after finishing a bottle of wine? Fab-u-lous. What makes her even more alluring to me is that she is one of those celebrities I feel like I actually know. I'll read something terrible about Speidi or Lindsay Lohan and think, "Omigod, I should call Kathy and tell her!" It's then I remember that I don't actually know this person, nor do I have her number and I would probably end up with a restraining order. Yet somehow I've had this thought more then a few times. Like when her dad died on her "My Life on the D-List" show - I cried. Then when she went to Ireland to spread the ashes - I cried harder.

The last time, however, that I really wanted to call up Miss Griffin was when I saw her bikini bod in OK! "Omigod, you look amazing - congrats!"


Then I remember. I don't know this person. Congratulating strangers on their rocking bod is creepy.

Owning your sexuality doesn't mean "be slutty"

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Forgive me Father, for I have Zarined.

I like Jill Zarin, and while I'm not sure what sin that would be I have no doubt that it is one. She's totally my favorite Real House Wife of NY. Also, I love that she's publicly discussing getting a breast reduction and lift. I right there with ya girl - kisses! Her boobies look spectacular in the dress below.

Moving on, I'm pretty sure that the dress she wore to the Memorial Sloan Kettering's 2nd annual Spring Ball held, at The Plaza Hotel last night is also a sin. Yet, again, I love it. I would wear it. Sadie at Jezebel.com relates it to "Fonda-era aerobics" and several commentators say that it reminds them of a "bad sci-fi warrior alien princess". Luckily those are two descriptors that indicate I will most likely like the frock.

This is why we shouldn't let 4th graders dye their hair.

I stumbled upon this story, and actually laughed out loud.

An Oregon woman sued her salon because her hair snapped off an inch from her scalp after it was bleached. She says she is owed $50,000 for humiliation, depression, and the cost of extensions.
Sarah Jane Ward sued the salon Rumi Simone Inc., where she had her hair bleached three times to a platinum blonde. Ward said when she showered, she noticed clumps of hair falling out and thought she might have cancer. She said she has colored her hair since fourth grade, explaining, "My mother told me my hair was dirty blond, and it wasn't attractive." She claimed that an inept stylist was to blame for her hair loss. A lawyer for the salon said Ward teased and hot-ironed her hair, and used hair elastics, against her stylist's advice. After listening to three days of testimony, a jury concluded 11-1 that the salon was not at fault and owed Ward nothing for her bad hair.

First - Your mom is a bitch.
Second - You think a symptom of cancer is hair loss? Really? You never put together the whole chemo is actually the treatment thing?
Third - Since when is peroxide bottle blond more attractive then a natural dirty blond?
Fourth - Man, your mom really is a bitch.