Tomorrow I get braces. Yep, old school, metal, in your face braces. I also weigh more then I have ever weighed before. I'm going to be one sexy bitch. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't exactly gorgeous in high school. I was a bit chunky, dressed like a ho, wore too much make-up and usually had some sort of bad dye job in the hair department. But all of those things were self-derived. I didn't face the torture of dental accessories, severe acne or anything of the like. This is new to me.
I have been dieting like there is no tomorrow, but my always slow metabolism seems to have come to a complete halt. I had lost three pounds, but one night of screw drivers and Old Style seems to have completely reversed three weeks of dieting. And now I get braces. I'll be living every high school girls nightmare. I'm a fatty brace face.
Now I have some hope I can carry this off with a little class. I dress much better then I ever did high school. My hair is shiny and healthy. I'm even working on smiling with my mouth closed (right now I still look like I'm doing some sort of "John McCain wincing" impression). I'm still dieting and working on that screw drivers and Old Style habit. Perhaps I can still be decently attractive with braces and an extra 20 pounds. If nothing else, I'll dig into every fat girls reserve. I'll distract them with my boobs.
No comments:
Post a Comment