Dear 15 year olds everywhere,

The Jonas Brothers suck. Their music is whiny, disingenuous, and lacking in pretty much every department. And I even like pop music.

Also, they're not attractive. Stop screaming. They won't have sex with you anyway. I'm so over their promise rings. We get it you're waiting for marriage, shut up about it already. I don't care to hear about all the sex the neighborhood slut is having, similarly I don't care to hear about all the sex you're not having. You want a cookie? Make it to your 21st birthday, then I'll be impressed. No wonder Christians get married so young. I would too.

Has young Hollywood learned nothing from Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears or the undeniably slutty looking Miley Cyrus? Don't go off running your mouth about how virginal and pure you are. It only sets you up for failure later when it turns out you're like every other 18 year old in the country.

At least X-Tina owned up to it.