For our little fuzzy one, Miss Mia

Morgan and I have had our little fire crotch for a year this month! In honor of her first year in our home here is a video of her with one of our other favorite things, the turntables.

You're going to need another hole if you eat all those leafy greens.

The below story 100% brightened my day. Last year I tried to switch from Vogue and Cosmo to Woman's Health and Shape because I thought they would focus more on health and inspire me. WRONG. Also, they're squats didn't tone my ass in 3 weeks as promised.

3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
By Anna N. for Jezebel.com
1:20 PM on Mon Nov 24 2008
Here at Jezebel, we really want to cover fitness magazines. We buy Shape and Self, we read them... and somehow, our brains run dry. After hours of concentrated thought (translation: long plane flight), we've figured out why it's so hard to talk to you about Glamour and Vogue's sweatier sisters. It's because they're actually worse than fashion mags. Sure, they claim to focus less on looking hot and spending money and more on feeling good, but in reality they make us feel bad — not just about ourselves, but about the very concept of human life. Three reasons fitness mags fill us with existential despair, using December Shape as our exemplar, after the jump.
1. They're boring. You know that friend who goes on a diet and then talks about nothing else? Fitness mags are like that friend, except the diet (and exercise plan) lasts forever. At least Glamour has stories about bipolar boyfriends and kept women in foreign countries to break up all the expensive shit. But in this month's Shape, even the sex feature is all about exercising and eating leafy greens. Hot.
2. They treat food like an enemy. Sure, fashion magazines have diet tips, but these are mere skirmishes compared to fitness magazines' nuclear war. Shape's editor says in this month's letter that the holidays are a time to enjoy food. But a few pages later, Shape calls this time of year a "diet danger zone" and baked potatoes a "fat and calorie minefield." Cheesecake is not a guy with a grenade hiding in your fridge. It's just a food. Eat it — or don't. But don't take Shape's bizarre and difficult advice and measure out your portion with a shot glass.
3. They remind you of your mortality. Look, times are hard. Everyone is worried. The last thing we want is to remember that our health is extremely tenuous and the most innocent-seeming habits might kill us. Unfortunately, fitness magazines have to put out an issue every month, so they need a constant supply of newer, weirder health scares. Shape's latest: petting your dog. It won't give you a cold, but it could give you E. coli. So play it safe and wrap your entire body in plastic. Cut two holes. One is for shoving in leafy greens. The other is for sex, but only because it's good for you.

I'm so excited I just blued myself.

The Watch with Kritin crew on eonline just confirmed there WILL be a Arrested Development movie!! Heck yes! Except... one of the actors is holding out. My guess is Michael Cera, and that's the word on the street too. I would guess that Juno went to his head, though he's played his AR role of George Micheal in literally every movie he's been in. Talk about range. I love the kid, but I hope he does this movie or my respect will drop (and I'm sure my respect means a lot to him). Here nor there, I'm pumped the rest of the cast will be assembling.

Meet the face of death:

Denny Duquette, Judah Botwin, William, Detective Cole Davies. Jeffrey Dean Morgan has spent much of his acting career either playing a dead guy, replacing a dead guy or chasing a dead guy. It occurred to me last night while the ghost of Denny was fucking Dr Izzie Stevens that this guy gets to barely memorize lines, smile (melt!), and do a sex scene with a smoking hot actress. He does the exact same thing on one of my other favorite shows, Weeds, during multiple flash back scenes. What a sweet gig! In PS I Love You (a over-the-top estrogen fest glorifying the death of a husband) Jeffrey plays the guy who falls in love with the widow, replacing the dead guy. Again: 1.)smile 2.)have a sex scene with a beautiful woman. Good for him. As Detective Cole Davis in Chasing Ghosts Jeffery is chasing a murderous dead guy. Not as romantic and arguably harder to sell as an actor, but still death-based.

Who knew the face of death would be so chiseled?

Dr. Asperger and those silly interns

I love how Grey's fans are current up in arms about the "ridiculous" and "crazy" things the writers have been doing this season. Um, It's Grey's Anatomy. It's one step from "General Hospital" and always has been. That's why we love it, it's a soap with slightly better writing, foreshadowing song titles as episode titles, a better soundtrack and significantly more famous actors. Hello, it's always been over the top. Several of the main characters have died and remain on the show.

I'll admit I do wonder how they'll tie up this weeks Izzie/Denny sexcapade, seeing as he's dead and all. I suspect she's has a nice vibrator and a brain tumor. Everyone who comes on that show has a brain tumor. They should really get the water checked or something. Anyhow, the more over the top, borderline jumping the shark, it gets the more motivated I am to watch.

Also, Christina clearly caring about Dr. Torres when she's losing it in the operating room - a bit out of character right? With the arrival of uber-ANNOYING Sadie (can they kill her off with a giant brain tumor - for real - please?) is Christina beginning the search for a new bestie? God, I hope not.

Get your wine (fine, Franzia) and ice cream ready - I think it's going to be a big one.

I bet Jesus would love pop music the most.

Although I'm not a Christian I follow the norm and celebrate the shit out of Christmas. I'll admit it, I love love love Christmas music. Go on, judge me.

Here are this weeks picks for my favorite Christmas tunes:

My Only Wish (this year) - Britney Spears
All I want for Christmas is You - Mariah Carey
Santa Baby - Kylie Minogue
Last Christmas - wait for it... wait for it... Wham!

Delusional Blondes, my new obsession

As my life grows ever more pathetic I have found myself watching Bravo's "The Real House Wives of Atlanta". I could never get into the Orange County gals, they were just boring and rich. These Atlanta wives, however, are one hot mess. Kim Zociak is my favorite as she seems the most ridiculous. Here she is in all her glory:

She is an aspiring county singer who couldn't carry a tune if it was in a backpack. Her "famous" boyfriend refuses to be revealed so she refers to him only as Big Papa while she spends all of his money. She refuses red wine saying she doesn't want to stain her teeth while she's smoking - her children correct her and she lets them know to stop talking. Lastly, and my personal favorite, she believes she's a black woman trapped in a white woman's body. Two favorite Kim quotations:

"I’m a black girl trapped in a white girls body…Tyra, I was drinking when I said that. I have a lot of African American friends. It just works for me."

"I’m going to keep Big Papa a secret because I’ve seen what can happen to public relationships-like Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson."

According to Jezebel.com Kim's Big Papa isn't so much a celebrity as a married guy:
"According to numerous blind items and internet rumors, Kim's boyfriend isn't really a celebrity, but rather a well-known figure in the Atlanta community. The gossip is that he's a wealthy commercial real estate developer, who is neither white nor black, and who prefers to remain a mystery because he's married. In the second episode of the season, Kim's BlackBerry screen is revealed and she has a number of text messages from someone named Lee, including this message: 'Miss U.' Astute viewers have surmised that this man must be Lee Najjar. His wife is ironically named Kim"

Thing One, Thing Two and Ron Jeremy.

What a lovely Halloween I had! It's my favorite holiday and didn't let me down yet again. Frances and I portrayed Dr. Suess's Thing One and Thing Two, while my tasteful boyfriend became the infamous Ron Jeremy.



And then my parents stopped by to share in some Picasso-esque photos :)

What is it about skanks in the fall?

I faithfully watch America's Next Top Model, Paris Hilton's BFF and Rock of Love: Charm School (probably the most despicable). I don't know why. I would like to say that watching makes me feel better about myself, and while that's true (who doesn't seem better in comparison?), it can't be the only reason I tune in. Technically these shows stand for everything I hate. Objectifying women, encouraging women to exploit themselves for attention, preaches that sex is a woman's most powerful tool (in that crowd, hello STDs!), and that fame is something that be gained solely by bad behavior. Not only do these shows "stand" for those principals, they seem to be proving them true. I mean I actually know who Heather is. I know she has a "Bret" tattoo on her neck. I know who she is because she behaves like a 3 year old, is unnervingly open about her sexuality and most likely has the clap at any given moment. It worked. Being a skank made her famous.

I'm no closer to knowing what it is about these train wrecks that keep me watching, but whatever it is it's powerful shit. Powerful, depressing, shit.

Frozen yogurt and boxed wine

I look like Ugly Betty, only slightly better dressed.

Is 3:00pm too early on a Tuesday to drink?

I'll be watching Shaun of the Dead, eating frozen yogurt (yep, still dieting) and downing some Franzia if anyone needs me.

Embarrassing High School Moments, Post College

Tomorrow I get braces. Yep, old school, metal, in your face braces. I also weigh more then I have ever weighed before. I'm going to be one sexy bitch. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't exactly gorgeous in high school. I was a bit chunky, dressed like a ho, wore too much make-up and usually had some sort of bad dye job in the hair department. But all of those things were self-derived. I didn't face the torture of dental accessories, severe acne or anything of the like. This is new to me.

I have been dieting like there is no tomorrow, but my always slow metabolism seems to have come to a complete halt. I had lost three pounds, but one night of screw drivers and Old Style seems to have completely reversed three weeks of dieting. And now I get braces. I'll be living every high school girls nightmare. I'm a fatty brace face.

Now I have some hope I can carry this off with a little class. I dress much better then I ever did high school. My hair is shiny and healthy. I'm even working on smiling with my mouth closed (right now I still look like I'm doing some sort of "John McCain wincing" impression). I'm still dieting and working on that screw drivers and Old Style habit. Perhaps I can still be decently attractive with braces and an extra 20 pounds. If nothing else, I'll dig into every fat girls reserve. I'll distract them with my boobs.

The cheerleader is growing on me.

Confused by this whole economy thing?

I love business and economics, mainly because I'm a dork. Despite the fact that I love these topics recent events have been somewhat confusing to me. I found these podcasts (or just audio downloads if you're sans ipod) VERY helpful.

Of course, they're from NPR, but then I'm a public radio addict too...

The Giant Pool of Money: explains the housing crisis, the hows and the whys
http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?sched=1242


Another Frightening Show About the Economy: explains what's in the bail out plan, what the store for us, and so forth.
http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode.aspx?episode=365


There are also transcripts available if listening isn't your thing. You can also find them on itunes, FOR FREE!

I can't even disappoint my mother properly...

The debates were on ABC. No new Grey's until next week. Morgan just HAD to watch them.

And to add torture to my pain, Palin didn't fail miserably. She wasn't awesome, but she wasn't awesomely bad either. oh poo.

My mother will be so dissappointed...

to find out I plan on watching Grey's Anatomy and The Office(online) rather then the vice presidential debates. Look, I watched the presidential debates. I sat through all of Palin's PAINFUL interview with Katie Couric. I listen to NPR. I check the CNN, MSNBC, BBC and occasionally even the Fox News websites. Frankly, I know who I'm voting for already. I'm not a crucial swing vote. There is little Palin could do to make me like her... other then to renounce basically everything she believes in.

Let's be honest, the good parts will be run on the news over and over to point where I have spent more time watching a 1 minute clip of the debate then it would have taken to watch to watch all 90. In fact, I'm sure I'll get sucked into reading the full manuscript tomorrow on CNN.com.

Biden will look like a jerk; Palin will look like an idiot. shocking.

My raging liberal, freedom fighting mother will be so disappointed in me. But, I just have to know what's happening with MerDer, Izzie and the Seattle Grace crew. I mean who can sleep another night with out full assurance that Jim and Pam will be together forever? There will be just as much drama (well, maybe a little less) on scripted network t.v. tonight. It's just less stressful to watch fake drama.

Sorry mom. I just can't do it tonight.

Freak the Me

So I really like Halloween right? No biggie.

I bought some Halloween window clings for my office to celebrate. While shopping my friend and I uncovered an especially gruesome window cling of bloody handprints and the word 'help' written in blood. I, of course, purchased it for window at home, knowing it was a bit much for the office. When I returned from lunch I put up my work appropriate clings, but I was still very excited about my bloody find. I showed the bloody handprints to two of my nearby co-workers. HOLY GOD! The look they gave me. It was as if I was displaying a "I enjoy kicking babies in the face" poster. Their reaction actually prompted me to say, "Oh, it's not real blood!!" as if that was really in question.

Hrumph.

A Catholic, 2 Jews and a Unitarian walk into a...

...child welfare conference. My ever-enthralling job as a lawyer lackey has taken me to Bridgeport Nebraska for our Regional Conference. The conference in and of itself isn't so bad. It's the traveling that's a bit strenuous. Today's conference involved a six hour van drive with my boss (a shrink), our staff attorney, a juvenile judge and me... a graduated art student attempting to make the shift into law school.

...I don't need to tell you the two crowds aren't exactly the same. The difference most noticeable in the use of the word bowl, they're either loading one or buying one at Pottery Barn. I'll let you guess which group does what.

Anyhow, I don't exactly feel like I fit in with my traveling partners. Some how I always feel stupid. I don't actually think I'm less intelligent, I only lack in the additional years of formal schooling, yet somehow I inherently feel "less-than". I can only hope this won't be a feeling that continues to plague me law school. Have I mentioned I haven't told them I'm applying to law school? My co-workers I mean. They don't know. For some reason I'm scared they'll laugh at me.

Some days I just SCREAM insecurity with every move I make.

Dear 15 year olds everywhere,

The Jonas Brothers suck. Their music is whiny, disingenuous, and lacking in pretty much every department. And I even like pop music.

Also, they're not attractive. Stop screaming. They won't have sex with you anyway. I'm so over their promise rings. We get it you're waiting for marriage, shut up about it already. I don't care to hear about all the sex the neighborhood slut is having, similarly I don't care to hear about all the sex you're not having. You want a cookie? Make it to your 21st birthday, then I'll be impressed. No wonder Christians get married so young. I would too.

Has young Hollywood learned nothing from Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears or the undeniably slutty looking Miley Cyrus? Don't go off running your mouth about how virginal and pure you are. It only sets you up for failure later when it turns out you're like every other 18 year old in the country.

At least X-Tina owned up to it.

Verge of Panic

PANIC! Law School Applications are scary. Really fucking scary. You're judged based solely on only a few key things.

I'm annoyed. I went to school at UNL for only a year. A very unsuccessful academic year, an utter failure. A fact that I didn't realize would haunt me so. I transferred to Doane and did very well. In fact I graduated with a 3.97 gpa. The Law School Admission Council combines that with ALL my undergraduate gpa's. Meaning my ONE unsuccessful year at UNL dropped my cumulative gpa to a 3.67. That's not very high. At least not for law school.

I'm stressy. Very stressy.

Tripped to Denver Once More

Morgan and I just returned from my second trip to Red Rocks in three weeks (I have it rough). We saw NIN this time. It was pretty awesome. The tickets and trip were his birthday present and he is much more the Nine Inch Nails fan than I. But here nor there I enjoyed myself. I was also inspired to study twice as hard. strange reaction to a vacation and concert right?

I love the mountains, I love that place, I want to live there. Getting into either the University of Colorado Boulder or The University of Denver Sturm Law College is a hefty goal, but one I'm inspired to achieve.

Visual DNA from Youniverise

A visual DNA? I don't know. But certainly fun! Try it for yourself at Youniverse!

Jack Johnson

Frances, Ben and I just returned from our trip to Morrison/Lakewood/Denver Colorado to see Jack Johnson play at the ever-beautiful Red Rocks. Amazing! After saving our seats Ben and I ran to bathroom at the very top of the amphitheater, as they're the nicest. As we headed out we ran straight into an impromptu show at the top of the amphitheater. We were literally feet from Jack watching him play. We traded out to go get Frances and let her watch too. It was absolutely amazing. His main-stage show (ya know, the one we actually expected) was far from a disappointment as well.

A beautiful experience, shared with beautiful people. Who can ask for more?


The impromptu Jack show, captured via camera phone...


The three of us at Tracks, a Denver club, the evening before the concert.

Feist Moves to Sesame Street

I'm all over the Canadian's today! I LOVE LOVE LOVE this!



Feist Moves To Sesame Street
Posted Fri Aug 8, 2008 11:26am PDT by Suzanne Baran in As Heard On...

Canadian indie star Feist's smash hit, "1234," has really risen to ubiquitous heights. She'll appear on the August 11 season premiere of Sesame Street performing a different version of the song.

A video of the singer was leaked on the Internet over the weekend frolicking with muppets and holding colorful numbers.

As if the popular iPod artist wasn't given enough of a boost, she now joins an extensive list of artists who have contributed their lyrics to the hit children's show.

The lyrics of the upbeat, sentimental song have been changed from their tribute to "old teenage hopes...alive at your door" into "Oh, you're counting, counting with me/To one less than five and one more than three."

There's also a revised chorus: "I love counting/counting to the number four."

It's a cute song and video that's not syrupy, overdone, or too annoying. Watch her strolling down Sesame Street with her furry friends in tow...

The Website is Down: Sales Guy vs Web Dude

So painfully accurate... The sales guy totally reminds me of a sales person I worked for a few years back. Young douchey and utterly clueless.



Favorite quotes:

"I know our website was at the tip of penis!"

"That's just what Nancy said you did last time"

"There is no arrange by penis"

I'm not the only one who wishes life were a musical!!

I'm not the only one!! Apparently many people are just waiting for their moment to sing and dance, just look:

Airport Musical:



Cafeteria Musical: "IIII NEeeeeddddd aaaa NNNAAAAPPPPKKKIIN!!"



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