Gasp! Followed by Tingles.

According to E!...

Scarlett Johansson is joining the superhero (Ironman) set. Her rep confirms that the actress has signed on to play Black Widow in the Iron Man sequel opposite Robert Downey Jr. The deal was signed this afternoon. "Scarlett is thrilled to be a part of Iron Man," her rep, Marcel Pariseau, tells me. Meanwhile, after months of negotiations... The Wrestler's comeback kid Mickey Rourke has finally sealed a deal to play the villain Whiplash, according to Variety. Rourke's team had reportedly held out for more money after Marvel's initial offer was just $250,000. Scheduled for a May 2010 release, part two of the franchise will also include Gwyneth Paltrow returning as Pepper Potts along with Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury and Don Cheadle playing Col. James "Rhodey" Rhodes.

Scar Jo and Robert Downy Jr together in a super hero movie? I'm in heaven.

I want to hate her.

I want to dislike Katy Perry so badly. I don't love the "I Kissed a Girl" song. Thank you for perpetuating the same behavior Girl Gone Wild markets - drunk girls making out with each other to get a little attention. Every time this song plays a slut slips a tongue. I have no problems with experimentation, and certainly crossed that line myself, I have a problem with exploitation. Also I'm annoyed that it's OK for girls to like kissing the same gender publicly and totally not OK for guys. Give the boys some love! When will the Jonas Brothers release "I Kissed a Boy"? Not a likely number 1.

All that aside, Katy Perry is growing on me. She's fucking adorable. And funny. And cute. And I bet she did look adorable kissing a girl. She's so endearing she it annoys me, yet I'm still, well... endeared. Her little pin-up body, kooky jokes, and how often she makes Ryan Seacrest uncomfortable make me really want to like her.

Here's is where she started to win me over - The Grammys. Both her and Ryan are so awkward, but you can tell she's enjoying it. It made me like her.

Actually Weird.

I never found "Weird Al" all that weird (or funny) to be honest... however, seeing him with no facial hair and with out his infamous curly locks is just fucking creepy.

More distracting then Kors aviators,

Is whatever the hell Heidi Klum is wearing to the New York's Fashion Week's Project Runway Season 6 finale. I think my 1987 secretary Barbie had this neon, shoulder-padded, get-up. While Klum is truly a real-life Barbie, she shouldn't take fashion tips from the doll. I love edgy. Hell I even love straight up strange. But this? Too far.

Season 6 is of course the one caught up in the court controversy, so we won't be seeing even the first episode anytime soon. It took every once of my strength to not check out what the season 6 designers sent down the runway, as I'm still hoping of a surprise should season 6 ever air.

I want a purple Chet hat.

Some people deeply befuddle me. Chet from MTVs Real World Brooklyn is one of them.

yet, I truly want that hat to wear around...

He's a Mormon from Utah with something to prove. Mainly that Mormons can be fun. Well, OK, whatever. He's life long dream is to host TRL. d'oh.

Here's what he wore to meet Pete Wentz, which his Real World roommates quickly mocked.


I can't say I like Chet, but I don't dislike him either. He just is. I do, however, wonder if he's secretly wearing those creepy Mormon underpants:

I'm in Love. With Beth Ditto.

I've discovered (The British hide all the good ones) a magical and beautiful woman. I'm amused, enamored, and inspired. Check her out.

She is Beth Ditto. I found her writing for the UK's Guardian. She runs a feminist advice column called "What Would Beth Ditto Do". I'm sure this comes as no surprise, but she also seems to quite the drama queen, hot mess, and attention seeking celeb-u-taunt you would expect. I'm amused.

There is only one place on my body I want latex

and it's certainly not my legs.

In what I can only pray was meant as a joke, a friend sent me a link to a little website called http://makinglatexclothing.com, specifically pointing out the article titled: How to make your own latex leggings. Knowing I'm a DIYer I'm sure she found this hilarious, but the idea of trying to shove myself into latex leggings is somewhat sickening. I have no doubt the process would require criscoing my butt and assistance from a second party. Anyhow, in case you were curious here are a few shots from the instructions:

Any clothing that involves glue is immediately suspect to me.


I have doubts this crotch would hold.


And maybe 1% of the population would look this cool rocking these latex pants. And frankly, I can't even decide if I like them on her.


Want to make your own? It could be helpful when assembling a Matrix costume. Check it out.

"I would like to announce the end of my career"

Maybe it's because I CAN NOT STAND 'Dancing with the Stars' but I can't figure out why some celebs seem to be so willing to trash their careers this season. It's probably going to be the most "famous" season yet. Clearly, the terms stars and famous are used pretty loosely.

The folks I'm most surprised to see making the move...

Jewel! Yes, Jewel! What the hell. She writes poetry and plays the guitar. Hell, she even writes her own songs. She is actually respected in the music industry. People with respect shouldn't have to do things like Dancing with the Stars.
Denise Richards. OK, her career was never actaully respected, but this is certainly still a step down from making-out with Neve Campbell in Wild Things. Her face in this picture almost just screams "meh, I'm a money whore, this will get a few more minutes"
Continuing down the respect ladder, Lil' Kim. On the plus side it'll be nice to see her wearing something slightly less revealing then she does on the red carpet. On the down side, she has now lost all street cred. You can't be a badass and waltz. You just can't. Yep, Dancing with the Star trumps prison time on the hard-core scale. Unless she shivs someone on the show. That would be amazing.

She's just not that into us.

Why is Ginnifer Goodwin as sad? While thumbing through her red carpet pics one can't help but notice the girl seems down. She's in a MAJORLY successful HBO show, dated Chris Klein (yeah, they broke up, but it's still nothing to be ashamed of), and is in a new movie with a bunch of famous chicks. While "He's Just not That Into You" has been critically panned it's still moved her further into the limelight... although I still can't get past the emphasis on the word not. That's doesn't seem right... anyway, the girl should be cheese'n.

Here she is back in April 2008 at the Entourage premier. She doesn't look too down, but not exactly chipper.


Here's Ginnifer this January at the Big Love Season 3 premier. Now she should be loving the shit out of this. Major critical success AND commercial success.


So, despite the fact that her dress looks like a vagina puppet, this should also be a happy moment. Also, as a side note, I really like the vagina dress but can't decide why. Help would be appreciated.


Now she looks AMAZING here, and ended up on like every best-dressed list. Smile girl! Enjoy it!


I have two theories. 1.) She has braces and doesn't want us to know or 2.) She for some God unknown reason thinks she looks prettier all frowny face. Smile girl!! You're beautiful!

In the spirit of DIYers

Having been investigating weddings and looking at endless amounts of what I refer to as wedding porn, I have come to conclusion that weddings are ridiculously over-priced, blown out of portion, and yet make me feel undeniably excited to tie ribbon around things. Long story short I believe we will be having a DIY wedding, and it's my goal to make it as environmentally friendly as possible. Prepare to RSVP online folks. I went to instructables.com (a favorite of mine) to see what kooky things I could cook up.

Bottle Butterflies!


Since I'm hoping to carry an herb bouquet and adorn my lovely bridal ladies in homegrown lavender... A Herb Garden Grown in Bottles!


I don't think we will be show casing the smitten however. I've made my decision. I hate it.

Can't decide if I'm smitten with Smittens..?

They're the adorable mittens you can hold hands in! awwww!

Cute or disgustingly unnecessary? I can't imagine asking my fiance to appear in public with the Smitten, mainly because I would not want to appear in public with it. Also, at some point, on of us would probably need to use both of our hands for something and the freed hand would get cold.

Get the pattern here

...Coming in at a combined weight of 120 pounds...

Nicole Ritchie and Rachel Zoe! Who have apparently made nice. While I adore Rachel's show (It's Bananas!) and have no particular feelings towards Nicole I can't help but be disgusted by this picture. I know they say they have to be tiny to fit into all the beautiful vintage and sample sizes, but wasn't the optimal vintage size like a 6?! They look like freaking bobble heads. God willing this picture is photoshopped. EAT A SANDWICH! or seven. I'm worried for them. Seriously.

Good Call Kayne, don't make eye contact.

This can only end in tears or hepatitis.

Anyone else have nightmares about Mischa Barton?

I find her creepy, bird-like, and all together just not right. I'm not sure why, the girl just gives me the willies! Check out this picture of her at Paris Fashion week (currently going on) and tell me she's not scary looking! Also, it seems as though her boobs start somewhere on her stomach.



Even a beaded Dior mini couldn't save her.

I hear the OC was a good show. I couldn't ever watch it thanks to this one.

Alcohol makes men BETTER in the bedroom?

This Daily Mail article is hilarious to me! Check it out.

A few highlights:

-Low-Risk drinkers means only having four a day? Well hell, I could step up my daily routine a bit!

-I love that the worst "bedroom performers" were former drinkers who had given up the booze, along with smokers and victims of heart disease. It's not exactly a shining recommendation for poor lonely AA members.

-Perhaps men are better in bed when the WOMAN is the "low-risk" drinker. Just a thought. Drink up!

Oh, just stick in the back: Did McKey get screwed?

America's Next Top Model winner McKey is supposed to grace the cover of Seventeen as part of her prize... except she's on the back. Her back cover even prompts confused readers to turn to the front cover to see Pink. (click to enlarge)

Screwed in the behind? I think so.

Single Lady no more, I'm engaged!

In early December 2008 we were out with our friends. I was dancing with a few girls to 'Single Ladies' by Beyonce. The dance from the video includes a move where you shake your ring finger while the line "If you liked it, you should have put a ring on it" is sung. During the ring-finger shake move I informed my friends that I was the only one who should be doing that dance as I was the only one without a ring on that finger.

So on Christmas morning while opening Christmas presents I unwrapped Beyonce's 'I am... Sasha Fierce' and thought "oh yay! I like that one dance song".The CD was shrink-wrapped and everything. Then Morgan says, "well, go on and open it, I want to hear that 'Single Ladies' song".

To be honest I was sort of like, "...OK whatever, It's 9am and you want to listen to dance music?". Despite my confusion I went ahead and opened the CD. Inside Morgan had removed the double CD, placed a note reading Will You Marry Me? and put the beautiful ring inside. I'm no longer a Single Lady! We proceeded to hug, cry and kiss. In honor of that here's this kid dancing to that video:

Vagina: It's not a clown car!

You've probably heard of the Duggar's. The religious nuts with 18 children who have their own show on TLC (which I find especially ironic since they don't allow the children to watch tv, just be followed around by camera crews). The girls don't cut their hair and must always wear skirts. Yeah, it's totally normal. Anyhow, they just welcomed their 18th child. On their show we were introduced to the families democratic process of allowing all the children to vote for the name of the new baby girl. See, they all start with the letter 'J', so it gets tricky. Anyhow, the clip ended up on Jezebel (name idea?)... and the comments are absolutely amazing. I'll share a few.

"Oh. Goodness. I see Jayzee on the list. Why God, WHY didn't they name her JAYZEE?!?"

"Did you see Jinger rolling her eyes when her brother and his wife joked about picking a new "letter" for their future children? Seriously we've gotta break that one out!"

"I love the little boy who wants to name his sister Juicy Fruit."

Last, my personal favorite, which mirrors my own reaction to the Duggar's:

"every time I see these people my vagina clamps up and refuses to open until I have changed the channel."

View the clip and read the rest of comments on Jezebel

Homeboy wore combat boots to the beach

...and yet, I still love him.

What is it about this douchebag, Mr. Justin Bobby? He manages to make Audrina interesting, is apparently a hairdresser, surfer, lead singer and fashionesta in his own right. Yet Hills fans have a true love/hate with this guy. Me, I love him.

Ode to Beeker.

As a child my mother insistently listened to classical music (I assume she still does, I'm just no longer forced to listen). Despite my annoyance I did develop a love for it. However, I think these videos could have done a much better job at making me appreciate the craftsmanship behind Ode to Joy and The Blue Danube Waltz then the afternoons with *NPR's Lora Black ever did. Enjoy.


*I notate NPR because after googling Lora Black I noticed she shares the name with a popular porn star. While I'm sure both Lora's deserve recognition, I didn't want you to assume my mother messed me up quite that badly.

Thanks for the bang Miss Page.

I'm so sad Bettie Page died today. With out her I never would have delved into the glory that is bangs. Thanks for the bang Bettie, I do love it so.

The beautiful Bettie:


My Bettie inspired bang from last year... and my friend Derek, who I'm sure also loved Bettie Page.

Worst person ever or pleasantly sardonic?

I'm a project associate and web programmer in the world of juvenile court advocacy. I travel around with professionals who train caseworkers, lawyers and judges about the best ways to help children in the court system. Often it seems they're preaching to the choir. If I thought it was OK to smack around my baby I probably wouldn't have taken a job in child advocacy. Just a thought. Anyhow, I was sitting through a presentation on child neurological development for about the 7th time. The presenter then reached the most ridiculous power point slide of all time. Big black bold letters reading "DON'T HIT CHILDREN". At this point I turn to my co-worker and mutter, "Yeah, they might have guns". I realize the intent of the slide was to be striking (pun intended), but seriously, this room knows not to hit children. It deserved a joke, I swear. My co-worker, however, disagreed. "Elllsssss, that's not funny! Kids are getting beat everyday!" Yes, as if I am OK with that. Hearing about child abuse everyday is darn depressing, every once in awhile I need to make a borderline inappropriate joke. Also I would make the case that a lot of kids DO have guns. Just food for thought.

Did Paris Hilton watch Eyes Wide Shut one too many times?

OK, was it me or did the Paris Hilton's My New BFF finale not totally resemble the ball scene from Labyrinth or the masquerade party from Eyes Wide Shut? CREEPY! Although, it slightly makes being her best friend seem more appealing. Frankly, I like her more now.

Here's the Paris Finale:

Eyes Wide Shut:

Labyrinth:


I left the 'You Have No Power Over Me' to remind Paris' new BFF of what she can chant around 4am at Tao to break the heiresses vodka-redbull induced spell.

For our little fuzzy one, Miss Mia

Morgan and I have had our little fire crotch for a year this month! In honor of her first year in our home here is a video of her with one of our other favorite things, the turntables.

You're going to need another hole if you eat all those leafy greens.

The below story 100% brightened my day. Last year I tried to switch from Vogue and Cosmo to Woman's Health and Shape because I thought they would focus more on health and inspire me. WRONG. Also, they're squats didn't tone my ass in 3 weeks as promised.

3 Ways Women's Fitness Magazines Destroy The Soul
By Anna N. for Jezebel.com
1:20 PM on Mon Nov 24 2008
Here at Jezebel, we really want to cover fitness magazines. We buy Shape and Self, we read them... and somehow, our brains run dry. After hours of concentrated thought (translation: long plane flight), we've figured out why it's so hard to talk to you about Glamour and Vogue's sweatier sisters. It's because they're actually worse than fashion mags. Sure, they claim to focus less on looking hot and spending money and more on feeling good, but in reality they make us feel bad — not just about ourselves, but about the very concept of human life. Three reasons fitness mags fill us with existential despair, using December Shape as our exemplar, after the jump.
1. They're boring. You know that friend who goes on a diet and then talks about nothing else? Fitness mags are like that friend, except the diet (and exercise plan) lasts forever. At least Glamour has stories about bipolar boyfriends and kept women in foreign countries to break up all the expensive shit. But in this month's Shape, even the sex feature is all about exercising and eating leafy greens. Hot.
2. They treat food like an enemy. Sure, fashion magazines have diet tips, but these are mere skirmishes compared to fitness magazines' nuclear war. Shape's editor says in this month's letter that the holidays are a time to enjoy food. But a few pages later, Shape calls this time of year a "diet danger zone" and baked potatoes a "fat and calorie minefield." Cheesecake is not a guy with a grenade hiding in your fridge. It's just a food. Eat it — or don't. But don't take Shape's bizarre and difficult advice and measure out your portion with a shot glass.
3. They remind you of your mortality. Look, times are hard. Everyone is worried. The last thing we want is to remember that our health is extremely tenuous and the most innocent-seeming habits might kill us. Unfortunately, fitness magazines have to put out an issue every month, so they need a constant supply of newer, weirder health scares. Shape's latest: petting your dog. It won't give you a cold, but it could give you E. coli. So play it safe and wrap your entire body in plastic. Cut two holes. One is for shoving in leafy greens. The other is for sex, but only because it's good for you.